What would Santa’s insurance policy look like?

… a highly serious, completely sensible analysis… obviously

At QMT Commercial, we help real businesses with real commercial insurance – from fleet and haulage, to trades, retail and almost everything in between.

But every now and then, a hypothetical comes along that we simply can’t ignore.

Today’s question:

If Santa Claus walked into our office and asked for a business insurance quote… what on earth would that policy look like?

Grab a mince pie. Let’s break this down.

Santa’s business model (in case you haven’t thought about it recently)

• International overnight logistics
• Magic-driven transportation fleet
• 1 CEO (red suit, beard)
• 1 flying delivery vehicle
• 9 reindeer-powered engines
• 364 days of manufacturing
• 1 night of VERY pressurised service delivery
• Thousands of seasonal employees (AKA. elves)

Frankly, Santa is one of the most uniquely complex commercial clients we’ve ever (theoretically) had.

Fleet and Transport Insurance

Insured item: One custom-built, open-top, 1800s-era flying sleigh.

Custom requirements might include:

• Worldwide delivery territories – including chimney access.
• Accidental damage to roofs, garden gnomes or inflatable snowmen.
• Cover for unexplained mid-air collisions with migrating geese, drones or aircraft.

And of course:

• Named driver: Mr S. Claus only.
• Additional drivers: Mrs Claus, if required, subject to experience.

Though one question remains:

Is the sleigh electric, hybrid or reindeer-powered?

We’re not sure where that fits in emission standards, but we’ll figure it out.

Specialist livestock and working animals cover

Your average business might insure vans, machinery or equipment.

Santa, meanwhile, needs:

• Comprehensive reindeer insurance
• Loss of antlers (cosmetic)
• Navigation failure due to fog
• Damage caused by excessive carrot intake

Rudolph may also require specialist protection for his trademarked “nose illumination system.”

Elf workforce liability insurance

Santa runs a large manufacturing operation in the North Pole.

This means:

• Employers’ Liability Insurance: For sprains, tool mishaps and disputes over whose turn it is to paint the rocking horses.
• Elf and safety compliance: Because even magical workshops need risk assessments:
  • Trip hazard: scattered wrapping paper.
  • Employee exposure: glitter inhalation.

Warehouse and contents cover

Santa’s inventory includes:

• Millions of toys
• A thousand different brands
• The occasional PlayStation someone pre-ordered in July

Stock must be covered for:

• Damage from fire, water leaks or “enthusiastic early unwrapping.”
• Long-term cold exposure (unavoidable at the North Pole).
• Elf glitter contamination.

Property insurance

Replacing a workshop complex on an iceberg would be… pricey.

Given the risks, Santa might add:

• Snow-drift ingress protection
• Icequake accidental damage extension
• Chimney-soot corrosion cover

Premiums likely to rise if the yetis move back into the area.

Public liability cover

Because statistically, after a billion rooftop landings, things may occasionally happen:

• Broken roof tiles
• Surprise dog encounters
• A garden trampoline that didn’t survive a sleigh bounce

Cyber cover

You might think Santa is low tech.

Absolutely not. He stores:

• Names
• Addresses
• Behavioural performance records

That is a GDPR minefield.

Cyber liability would help protect against:

• Data breaches
• Naughty list leaks
• Hackers modifying gift requests to “all children receive socks.”

Unthinkable.

Business interruption insurance

What if:

• A reindeer gets injured?
• The sleigh fails its magical MOT?
• The elves unionise and demand a four-day festive working week?

Business interruption insurance could help cover lost global present-delivery turnover.

Final verdict

So, what does Santa need?

In summary:

• Fleet and transport insurance
• Working animal cover
• Employers’ liability
• Public liability
• Property and contents
• Cyber cover
• Business interruption

And, if we’re being honest, we suspect his premium might be slightly higher than the average plumber’s.

But if Santa ever knocks on our door (or our roof), we’re ready.

If we can theoretically insure a magical, reindeer-propelled, worldwide overnight delivery empire… we can most likely help yours.

Want a sensible quote for your very real business? Just ask.